Today has been one of those days.
The day where I wake up feeling like I never went to sleep at all.
The day where, try as I might, I can’t keep up with the two year old that’s running wild around the house.
The day where Eric has the car, the park seems miles away, so we stay home and try to entertain ourselves.
The day where we make a cake that falls apart.
The day where I almost take my frustrations out on Josephine, as she’s screaming that she wanted to listen to “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star,” not “Hickory, Dickory, Dock.”
The day where it seems like angel choirs sang “Hallelujah” once she was safe and sound in her bed.
The day that turns into me tossing and turning, asking myself that one question – “Am I doing this right?”
And as much as I know there is no real “right” way of going about this whole parenting thing, and that no matter what I do, my kids will probably vent to a therapist someday about the one thing that totally screwed them up, I want to at least do my best.
I’ve been given this gift of this precious, sweet, little life that isn’t mine, but that I’m responsible for. For the next 18 years, I get to mold her, shape her, teach her, guide her – much of which will be remolded and reshaped as she figures out for herself who she is and what she wants to become. But although I have done my own pinching and prodding to the work that my parents did, the foundation still remains the same. And I think that’s what we, as parents, provide for our kids – a foundation.
There’s the parable of the wise man and the foolish man – the former builds his home on a rock, the latter on the sand. When the winds and rains come, the foolish man’s house is easily washed away. So it is with our lives – when we build our lives on the right foundation, we can stay strong, even when the winds and rains of challenge, opposition, and trial arrive (and they inevitably will).
I hope that I can provide Josie with that foundation. I hope that, brick by brick, Eric and I can help her build something that will remain with her throughout her life. So even as things change, she’ll still have that stable home to come back to.
I guess that even though it was one of those days, I have the hope that tomorrow will be better. And I have the hope that maybe, just maybe, I did something good today that stuck with my daughter. Something that she will add to her foundation. And that makes it all worth it.